Petition to CAGE HILTON - Idahoans for the (permanent) incarceration of Paris Hilton

The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go.  Life is too short to blend in. Kabbalah helps you confront your fears.  If a girl borrowed my clothes and never gave them back, and I saw her wearing them months later, I would confront her. I don't think there's ever been anyone like me that's lasted.  And I'm going to keep lasting. they, like, make walls there? I think I am a good role model. I don't really think, I just walk. What's a soup kitchen? It will work.  I'm a marketing genius. All British people have plain names, and that works pretty well over there. I'm like an American princess.

To: The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

In our opinion, Paris Hilton is an inexplicable American celebrity and socialite, both of which rely solely on her status as heiress to the Hilton Hotel fortune. She provides hope to underachievers all over the world who believe a GED and alleged herpes is a solid foundation atop which to build their dreams. And without the, uh, beauty and excitement she contributes to this fine society, we, the little people, would likely drown in the banality of our mundane lives. After all, legitimate careers and happy families mean nothing compared to the daily goings on of a vacuous rich chick and her many talents. Need proof of these said skills? She brilliantly took credit for "writing" a crappy book that schools readers on how to ditch their pride and model themselves after Paris, herself. And then when this literary gem made the ultra-obscure Wall Street Journal's best seller list, she needed a minion to explain why, in fact, that was hot.

When she's not rivaling Toni Morrison, Ms. Hilton is recognized for her leading role on the FOX reality series, "The Simple Life," which follows her and fellow celebutard, Nichole Richie, as they mock hard-working Americans in various rural locales. Oh, and she parties a lot and flaunts her junk like it's gonna cure cancer.

All sarcasm aside, we, the Idahoans who support Paris' eternal incarceration, are shocked and dismayed that Paris hasn't already been run over by a bus. And ultimately believe that a lifetime in jail is what is owed to us as a state and as a society.

Lots and lots

Thank you...

The petition is closed, but we know you'd sign if it wasn't.

And remember - when you're famous, crime does pay!

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The views described here are that of the Idaho potato and are a parody, in case you didn't get it.